La douleur exquise...

La douleur exquise, the heart-wrenching poignant pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.

It is so easy to associate with pain, sadness, unhappiness. For human.
It is as if such negativity dwells in the heart of mankind, by nature.
Always on the obtuse end of the degree.
Never hiding itself.
Just sitting there, blazing blatantly in full-blown of its existence in this universe.
Without any inkling of doubtness, that it can always, always find friends in anyone, anybody, in any place, at any time.
Nevertheless seemingly regardless of age, generation, culture, society, advancement of science or technology.
Pain, comes and goes. At its whim and whine. Never caring the remanents of its path of destructions and memories.
You thought that it was going to be easy.
Only to realize that it hurts deep, like a blunt jagged knife wrenched plugged out from the soul-sucking abyss, sometimes which better known as heart.

Sometimes it comes strong. Quick like the knife of the execution at the death platform. Leaves you with little or no time at all, to react.
Others, subtle, silent, unaware of the occurence of it. Silently creeps on you like the pink panther and springs a "surprise"...
No matter, it will always have the last laugh of the debate.

Fight it, one may say.
How to? How do you fight something that is unseenable, untouchable, scentless, nor even felt before it actually happens..
Teach me...so that maybe I can still have some resemblances of humanity remain after the entirety of it.

Affections, something given, not asked for.
The more you want it, the further it gets away from you. Not something which you can chase after it.
Not returned in kind, nor given when you seek for it.
It sits on the wall of given versus taken, perching itself with a non-existence price.
Traipsing itself on a balance scale of fairness, without any sense of units of measurement.
Who is to say...how much is enough? who should be given? who should taken? what is enough? what is fair? how to balance?
All in the word of "balance"....on who's scale?

Maybe it is safer to stay alone.
Be on one's own.
Seems like this is always the best option out of the many ones available out there.
Have lost track of times, having chosen this course of route.
Easily, the easiest journey to travel. Escapist..maybe..
Probably, the least heartache, pain to come rushing into thy face...

Yet once again, it has transpired.
Have asked for too much, yet again..it seems..
No reason to stay, is a good reason to leave.

~ M.Y. ~
June 19th 2014