Start post for 2012...

This is the first piece of blog which I have written for the year 2012, hopefully not the only one, but many more to come.
I have started writing again after a hiatus of 5 months, which I would say is pretty long.
I apologize to friends whom do actually check out my blog occasionally, for the lack of updates.


5 months have passed for 2012, surprisingly fast..
I didn't have a chance to reflect back on the daily events and thoughts till now, in the middle of the night.
What have I done this year? hmmm...

I would say, besides travelling to Japan, spending 2 weeks during April over there in Tokyo, Hakone, Mount Fuji, Kyoto, Nara, Nikko..not much major events happened so far.
It has been a really wonderful trip, especially I got to re-group my soul and re-charge myself in some ways. Spent almost 2 weeks on my own in a foreign land.
Travelled like a half-gaijin half-pretending to be a Japanese...*laughs* because I know and understand about some Japanese cultures.
Met many foreigners along my trip, while travelling out of Tokyo.
Some were very nice and welcoming people, whereas some were rather unfriendly.
Walked a lot, about 10-12 hours daily during my 2 weeks, resulting weight loss which is good!!
On an end note, it was a rejuvenating trip which I get to experience many more Japanese cultures and interact with people from all over the world, in the nutshell of Japan.

My laptop died on me just before I left for Japan, I didn't managed to revive it.
So now, I am kind of laptop-less while I am at home, surviving on my android phone if I do need to go on web.
Looking around for good deals on laptop or notebook, thinking about Windows or switching to Mac...weighing the pros and cons..still unable to decide on it yet...as the IT fair creeps nearer and nearer.

With the start of the year, 5 months ago, I did try to post photographs on Facebook as daily as I could possible, which eventually did came to a halt due to the daily life matters.
I still do take photographs as much as I can, just unable to produce and post them as much as I like.
An excuse due to the death of my laptop, I became unable to produce and post any photographs at the current stage. *laughs* What a great excuse I came up with...

I am really glad that I did my backups for my laptop, hence my music library in Itunes is still alive. I still have my music, just not as updated as I like it to be.

Lately, I have been thinking about many things..such as re-studying Japanese and learning French, reading more on more manga, ebooks and even paperback books on subjects which I would like to keep (thus contributing to my ever-growing library), trying to eat healthier and maintaining my weight loss. Trying to meet up my new and old friends, keep in contact with them. Real friendship is precious and fragile in this modern world. Also the ongoing thought about life...

Currently reading on "Clean" by Dr. Alejandro Junger, M.D.
Though I must say that I am rather late in getting this book, as this is a reprint with updated new materials in it. A pretty interesting book, discovering and understanding oneself's body system, how each and every food which we ingest contributes to what we are, how the different toxicism happening in our daily life affects us somehow somewhere down the road in life. I am still halfway through it, I hope to learn more from it.

Christmas...

Seasons come and seasons change..
Spring brings fresh breeze and new young growth..
Summer blooms with beautiful rainbow flowers along brilliant greens..
Autumn harvests colours of orange, red, yellow in very corners we turn..
Winter solstice snows magical days and nights in whites, blues and silvers..

During this magical time of the year..
it is a time to think of love and sharing..
In this peaceful time of the year..
it is a time to cherish every blessing we have received..

In this yuletide season for the year..
it is a time to be with all your friends and family..
Green fir trees cover in white snow..
Brilliant glitters sparkling joy..
Wishing all A Merry Christmas..

Throwing snowballs, building snowman and making snow angels..
roasting chestnuts in the fire..
baking gingerbread and brewing hot cocoa..
spending festive season with friends and family..

Christmas love and joy..
Yuletide feast..
Christmastide candy canes and mistletoes..
live your life with love and kindness in your heart, with all those around you..
have a wonderful Merry Christmas..
and a Happy New Year in the fresh new start..

- M. Y. -
22nd December 2011

Coming to an end...

2011 is nearly towards the end...just another 10 days or less so to go...
I have been thinking about things or happenings that had occurred during the past year..
Have I regretted on anything this year?
So far, the answer is still...No. *smiles*
I am really glad for this thought!

However, there are several things which I think I should do more or need to do more..
Otherwise, life would be just it is...like this..
This would be a sad thought, just by itself..

I think I want to do more in my life from this moment on.
In my photography, I want to witness and be in the same breathing space with many more beautiful scenes and capture so much more special moments in life..
In travelling more around this beautiful world, I want to see more and more interesting places..
In writing, I want to create my own world of living, be it reality or fantasy..
In languages, I want to gain more knowledge and build up my library of different linguistics..
In music, I want to hear and enjoy as much wonderful melodies of creations by different people..
I think this is what I want to do from this moment on..
Maybe, this is what life is and means for me..


A momento in vita...
Volo animam meam a me puto, magis in hac hora.
In metus mi, volo et testimonium in eodem respirasse multis peculiaribus in tanto pulchrior expugna turpis vitae ..
In elit quam pulchra circa hoc mundo videre cupio magis interesting locis..
In scriptis, volo creo mea mundum vivorum, sive realitatis aut fantasy..
In tincidunt, volo magis notitia lucri mei et aedificabo library diversorum lingusitics..
In musicam audire volo utor tam mirabile creaturarum melodiis per diversos..
Volo ego hoc ex hac hora ad..
Forsitan, et vita significat hoc mihi..

Without Words

Without Words - A.N.Jell

I shouldn’t have done that,
I should have pretended not to know
like I didn’t see it, like I couldn’t see it
I shouldn’t have looked at you in the first place

I should have run away
I should have pretended I wasn’t listening
like I didn’t hear it, like I couldn’t hear it
I shouldn’t have heard your love in the first place

Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Made me fill myself with your every breath
Then you ran away

Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
My lips were surprised
It came without a word

Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it hurt continuously?
Except for the fact that I can’t see you anymore, and that you’re not here anymore
otherwise, it’ll be just the same like before

Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Made me fill myself with your every breath
Then you ran away

Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
My lips were surprised

Without a word, tears starts falling down
Without a word, my heart is broken

Without a word, I waited for love
Without a word, love hurts me
I’ve become transparent, I’ve become a fool
and I cry just by looking at the sky

Without a word, separation finds me
Without a word, the end comes to me
It tool my heart by surprised
To send you away unexpectedly
It came without a word

Without a word, love appears
Without a word, love vanishes
Like a fever I’ve had, maybe all I have to do is hurt for a while
Because in the end, the only thing that remains are scars


Hajimal geol geuraesseo moreuncheok haebeorilgeol
Anboineun geotcheoreom bolsueopneun geotcheoreom
Neol aye bojimalgeol geuraetnabwa

Domangchil geol geuraesseo motdeuleuncheok geureolgeol
Deutjido motaneun cheok
Deuleul su eopneun geotcheoreom
Aye ne sarang deutji aneulgeol

Maldo eopsi sarangeul alge hago
Maldo eopsi sarangeul naege jugo
Sumgyeol hanajocha neol damge haenotgo
Ireoke domangganigga

Maldo eopsi sarangi nareul ddeona
Maldo eopsi sarangi nareul beoryeo
Museunmaleul halji damun ibi
Honjaseo nollangeot gata
Maldo eopsi waseo

Wae ireoke apeunji wae jagguman apeunji
Neol bolsu eopdaneungeon
Nega eopdaneungeo malgo
Modu yejeongwa ddokgateungeonde

Maldo eopsi sarangeul alge hago
Maldo eopsi sarangeul naege jugo
Sumgyeol hanajocha neol damge haenotgo
Ireoke domangganigga

Maldo eopsi sarangi nareul ddeona
Maldo eopsi sarangi nareul beoryeo
Museunmaleul halji damun ibi
Honjaseo nollangeot gata

Maldo eopsi nunmuli heulleonaeryeo
Maldo eopsi gaseumi muneojyeoga

Maldo eopneun sarangeul gidarigo
Maldo eopneun sarangeul apahago
Neoksi nagabeoryeo baboga doebeoryeo
Haneulman bogo unigga

Maldo eopsi ibyeoli nareulchaja
Maldo eopsi ibyeoli naegewaseo
Junbido motago neol bonaeyahaneun
Naemami nollangeot gata
Maldo eopsi waseo

Maldo eopsi watdaga
Maldo eopsi ddeonaneun
Jinagan yeolbyeongcheoreom jamsi apeumyeon doenabwa
Jageun hyungteoman namgedoenigga

Travel around the world

1st New Year resolution of the year 2011, is to travel around the world as much as I can possible do, from now on. The world is a very big place, maybe I can find the one special place which I can belong in.

Till death do us apart..

Till death do us apart....

this phrase rings in my brain for some reasons..
reasons being, many people are getting married..
people who are friends of mine..
consecutively around the same timing..around me..
why??
all of the sudden, all these friends decided to get married..
to their respective partners..
weird..
I cannot fathom or think of a good explanation to this great coincidence..
a trick of fate or just pure coincidence..
I guess I would not know it, unless I am God..which apparently I am not, obviously..

You might think what's the big deal then?
These friends of yours are getting married..
It is another phase in life for them, not you..
Why are you so bothered by it?
Am I bothered by it?
Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe I don't even know myself..
Am I jealous? Am I envious?
I am not jealous of the fact that they are getting married.
Instead, I am envious of the fact that they found their life companion..
It is a very beautiful thing..
Wonderful celebration in life..
Having found the soul mate in life..
Very lucky indeed, I must say..

Juan

dreams..

What ever happened to chasing our dreams??
Looking at people around me..
are they really chasing after their dreams..
or they are just blindly chasing after things they thought that were their dreams..

Fame, wealth, material possessions..
are the so-called dreams that people chased after all these times..
are we a fat lot of pathetic bitches and bastards??
or maybe these are what we are actually after..

The world has evolved so much..
changing so much..
for good or worse..
who are we to say?
have we really been blinded after all?

Have we lost who we really are?
Have been polluted by the society?
polluted by all the funky things which we have been exposed to?
Who can we fault?
No one but ourselves..
who allows ourselves to fall into the traps of these vicious evils!!

Oh man..one will think that here is another crazy fellow trying to write and preach whatever shitholes..
Hey man, it is fine by me for u saying that..
But don't you agree with me for all I have written above..
for all the craps I wrote above, believe me, they are from the deepest hole in your heart, if you ever think deep enough..

Sorry, for this late night revelation..
thoughts just hit me as Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars" playing in my headphones..
Just it sounds so right and so deem fit for now..
What are we really chasing for and what are we really chasing about?

Juan

Chasing Cars..Snow Patrol..

"Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol..



We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Never Think..

I should never think
What's in your heart
What's in our home
It's all I want

You'll learn to hate me
But still you call me baby
Oh Love
So call me by my name

And save your soul
save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done

I'll try to decide where
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
Tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It's the one thing that I've known

Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out of this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying oh please
I'm in love
I'm in love

Girl save your soul
Go on save your soul
Before it's too far gone
And before nothing can be done

'Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Hold on

- Robert Pattison -

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sad..but somehow true in certain senses..real..
melodramatically haunting..lingering in the mind..soul..
looking around this world..friends..families..strangers..I questioned myself..

Where am I?
Where are you?
Will we ever meet?
Will we ever be together as one?

Will you ever be able to find me in this vast world?
Will I ever be able to find you?
Will there ever be a you for me?
Will there ever be a me for you?

Will I ever belong to you?
Will you ever belong to me?
Will there ever be a us?
Will there be a you waiting for me at that end?

I have no answer for any of the questions..
I have only myself..
just myself..
only myself in my sad lonely world..

- M. Y. -
27th January 2008

Sad hauntingly beautiful melody..

Have been kanashii for days..
pretending that nothing has ever happened on the outside..
sadness has been entering my heart deep inside..
tears wet my face nightly just to sleep..

Time will heal all wounds, they say..
certainly do hope so..
certainly pray that to happen so..
do not what else can be done anymore..

Just like the mood the song that is playing in my ears..
demo ne..nothing will happen anymore..
ever since I know the truth..
I tried to ignore the fact..

I tried to pretend I do not know anything about it..
I tried to think that you might look in a different light..
but deep down inside, I know it will not happen that way..
I am just a friend to thee..

Therefore, I am giving up..
I have given up the hope..
I have banished the thoughts of you into the deepest valley in my heart..
pretending that I am just your tomodachi..

However, it still pains when I see you..
it makes my heart aches..
it frustrates me by the thought..
it tortures me every single second..

How I wish I can turn back the time to before I even meet you..
How I wish I can go back way before I meet you..
How I wish I can just never meet you..
Really, you have left many memories in my mind that pains me to even try to forget them..

If I can wish..
I would want to go back to before I meet you..
maybe in that way..
I won't have to be this sad and pain at this point in time..

I do not know how long I can endure this pain..
I do not know how long I can take this sadness..
before I collapse in misery..
before I totally surrender to this sadness..

Just hope that time will heal my wound..
just hope that this will let me forget all the memories with you..
just hope that time will let everything be forgotten..
just hope that time will bury this love..

- M. Y. -
3rd July 2006

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from long time ago..
the pain sadness emo seem to fitting to my current mood..
currently just a walking masked zombie..
kokoro kanashii..as one grows older, it gets harder to forget certain things, cuts deeper wounds than before, gets more painful..greater impact, makes one sadder more..and takes longer time to heal..
guess, time to get used to it..
listening to the sad hauntingly beautiful melody by Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth