Tired...

Seems like it always ended up like this, every single time.
Should I even bother to try anymore?
What's the point of trying it?
When it will end the same, every time...

It takes a lot to give it a try.
Feelings..
Energy..Effort..
Time..

Every time, I give it a chance..
I guess it was too late..
Maybe I said too much, too late..
Thought too much..
Overkills everything..

I am getting more and more tired each time..
Sometimes, I just want to give up it all..
It gets colder and colder each and every time..
With every hope each time, the dash and disappointment hits me harder..
I just want to hide myself in my cocoon, never to find my way out..

Am I really that complex?
That complicated to the point, where no one can understand the real me..
It seems so hard to find someone to understand and know the me..
Once I did, but it was gone along with the betrayal..

Trust comes with a heavy price to pay..
Love comes with a heavy burden to bear..
Night seems to have become longer and colder, over the days, months, years..
Time seems to have become eternity, endless..

Amortal endless..human has become..
Saddening..
seemingly bleak..
Like the sunset being swallowed into the twilight darkness..

It is a sad thing..
but I have to take it cool and calm and walk away..
No point forcing it further anymore..
Just not worth the effort to push it further, when thou just does not bother to try..

God, sometimes I think..maybe it is better for you to bring me home to your side..
Comparing to others in pain, sadness and poverty,
I may seem to be lucky..
but it does not seems to be in actual case..

Sadness and loneliness slowly eating away the soul out of me..
day in day out..
Emptiness replaces the core of me..
as time slowly ticks and trickles..

~ M. Y. ~
September 18th 2013


Sudden realization..an anniversary of an past today..
Be damned I am..
It had been 7 years since when I first tried..
I used to hate this day every year since 5 years ago..
Now, not so much...just sadness feels me, more than hate..
Sometimes, I wonder..is there something wrong with me that caused it to end..but no answer came to my mind..
Though, I am grateful for the 2 wonderful happy years..even now..