Stuck..in limbo..oblivion

It feels like I'm stuck..impassable..in limbo..

The feeling of half there...half not there..another here..the other diminishing..

It is never a good feeling to be hanging stranded there..

unable to go over the threshold..

You feel like you are almost there,

moving along life as it goes,

going along with the flow,

fills from low to the highest pinnacle,

goes from zero to almost edge's brim.

You know you are not supposed to cross that line,

so you pull yourself back,

restraining the overflow,

holding back the spillover to the next door.

Feels like sitting on the edge of the fence,

without a sense of balance to hold onto you,

you could plunge either way..into abyssal of despondence, or paradise of bliss.

it is that thin red line of logical and emotional that ties to you.

you never know what will bring you over the verge.

As you begin to ponder going through life as it is,

should you make a choice and run for the hills for it,
or just slip back into the dark quiet corner of the room and observe melancholy,
what is the worst mistake or best miracle could happen from that?

Some goes through the ups and downs daily,
others feels the lows and highs over a period,
some feels horrible, other feels mundane not wanting to bother about it.
What about those in-betweens?

I am standing here, this close to plunging either way.
I could be making the same mistake as before, or this could be it.
Mistake does not mean I regretted whatever I have decided previously.
It just did not follow through life as I wish it could have.
But I do not blame.

I made a decision 6 years ago and stood by it, without any regrets.
Thou went back on your promise,
I was saddened with disappointment, betrayal and broken from faith.
Life became different, and I can no longer go back to the same.

6 years later, I believe I would still make the same decision, now.
Cause I am still who I am, it is thou that had changed.
I am left with no feelings for thou, hate has gone, unspoken forgiveness and faded memories.
Life changes and move on.
I am still the same and yet different in many ways, thinking and perspectives.

No longer in the past...pointless..
I have let go.

Emotions build who I am.
Feelings create my line.
What had broke my passion, I am slowly picking and mending the jigsaw pieces back.
Yes, I am alone.
Not many will tread my line of less traveled path.
But this is me.

I feel, thee do not or may not feel.
I have always said, like does not have or need a reason.
One does not love with a reason or purpose.
Love becomes a meaning, creates life journey together.

Age makes me ponder, wisdom holds me back.
So, I am stuck in limbo, impassable here.
Sometimes, I feel I am sick of this impassiveness.
Anothers, I feel nothing.
Others, I just want to shut down and give up.
Now, I am slowly shutting down, moving from hope to disappoint to emptiness, letting thee go and giving up any thoughts.

Over the past time,
I have gone from zero to curiosity, hope, comes twinge, baffle, to mundane, melancholy in transition to oblivion and emptiness.
When I am there,
either one can go through the same cycle again,
or I can just goes zilch, end of line.

~ M.Y. ~
October 26th 2013