When I see you..

When I saw you, I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.
~ William Shakespeare

No reasons.
No warnings given.
No words needed.
Just like that. Feelings happen.

Fate likes to play with human and toy with their emotions.

Am I dreaming?
I do not dream, even in my sleep.
How could I dream while I am awake?
This is all so surreal..

When you decide to alienate me. I feel abandoned. Yet once again. By someone who matters to me. By someone whom I care about. I thought that I have a chance in this, for there is someone who knows me and understands me, accepts me as who I am and wants me for who I am.

I do not want to think about it.
Detach.
Disassociate.
Not wanting to feel anything.
I cannot give any explanation.

I am tired. Tired of everything. It feels like a thousand tons weighing on me. I have done too much, for you. This is the next best thing I can do for you. To just stop everything, at all. Leave you alone. Let you be. Let you do whatever you wish and want. Walk away by myself. Alone and silently. Because it is pointless to probe you further anymore. However, it is not that I am giving up. It is not that I am not trying further. It would not be helping you or me, doing more than I have already done or tried to, for you. I am already standing at this edge of the cliff, ready to plunge into the abyssal of you. Believe it or not, it is true and it is real.

If you truly meant to be mine and be together with me, you will eventually be. If you are not, no matter how hard I try to or hold onto, you will never ever be.

I cannot give anything in return, at this point. Please do not push me for anything. If you truly want me and love me, please fill me with love. Please be kind and love me enough for me to love you back. As I love you back, it is for real and for the rest of our lives together, for always. This is my solemn promise, to you.

Maybe this is my destiny.
To be a fool.
To be alone for the rest of my life.
My cursed life. On my own after all.

The soul feels colder by the minute.
The body gets colder by the second.
The mind turns more and more numb by the moment.
The vision gets more and more blurred with each breath.

~ M.Y. ~
December 11th 2013