Daily inspiration..#1..

There is more to life than increasing its speed.
~ Mahatma Gandhi

Angel of Mine...Eternal

Angel of Mine by Eternal


Oh, Angel


When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought I'd never find
Angel of mine  

I look at you (looking at you) looking at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
Gonna love you 'til the end of time
Angel of mine

What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show

You came into my life sent from above
Better than a dream, such a perfect love
And I'll adore you 'til the end of time
Angel of mine

Woah woah, angel, yeah, oh

Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel, angel, of mine

What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show

You came into my life (my life) sent from above
Better than a dream, such a perfect love, perfect love
And I'll adore you 'til the end of time
Angel, angel, of mine, of mine
Angel, oh angel, angel

I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new
Every breath I take or vow that I make
I want to share it with you, share it with you

When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought I'd never find
Angel of mine

You came into my life, sent from above, up above baby
Better than a dream, such a perfect love
You're such a perfect love
And I'll adore you 'til the end of time
Angel of mine

What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show

I look at you, looking at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
Gonna love you 'til the end of time
Angel of mine

Broken soul..broken mind..

Broken wings
Broken will
Broken spirit
Broken soul

Broken determination
Broken passion
Broken mentality
Broken mind

Lost...dispirited...dispassionate...
Blue blue day...
Dark mind..
Nothing seems to go right..
No matter how much music plays in my ears..
However much things flew through my mind..
Things, feelings just go right through as though they are invisible..
I just look right through them..

Nothing seems to surprise me nor gets a genuine reaction out of me..
Wired mind, restless rationale..
Tries to keep myself busy..driving the body tired..to make it sleep and rest for another night's work..

Seems like I have not been on my own for a long time..many weekends..
Where is me? Where am I? Where the hell I am?
Everyday is all about others, all the time..
Frankly, I am tired of human, mankind..
Wish I can just cocoon myself and sleep for eternity..

~ M. Y. ~
September 24th 2013

Angel...Westlife...

Angel by Westlife

 
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
Storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escape one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Some comfort here...

Wrong concept...idea...expectations..

Do I have the wrong concepts?
Incorrect ideas?
Immature expectations?
Suddenly, these thoughts came to me...

After a texted conversation with a dear friend..
I was mulling over the thoughts over..
over and over in my head,
even as I go through work, daily routines..

It struck a chord in me..
I could be looking things and thoughts in a different direction of things...
A childish immature way of directions..
Putting myself in misery for so long..

Simply put..
The wrong expectations of things..
Why am I expecting a certain outcome of the situation?
And following it, making things and forcing thoughts in this one direction..
Subjecting myself in endless pain and misery..

Why should I mull and make myself stupid over such immature way of thinking?
What the hell was I even thinking...
Made myself miserable and upset over no good reason..
When I should be concentrating on more important aspects in my life..
Damned fuckery shit of hell...
*laughs* at my own royal stupidity and immaturity of shit hole...

I am saying "Fuck shit to them! and stop wasting my time on these goddamned expectations!"
There...I think this is the end of it..
Whatever it is, it will be whatever it is..
So be it..
I am not going go there further anymore...
Just so not me...

Postrema huius exitum goddamned fuckery...

~ M. Y. ~
September 19th 2013

Thanks, dear friend!

Tired...

Seems like it always ended up like this, every single time.
Should I even bother to try anymore?
What's the point of trying it?
When it will end the same, every time...

It takes a lot to give it a try.
Feelings..
Energy..Effort..
Time..

Every time, I give it a chance..
I guess it was too late..
Maybe I said too much, too late..
Thought too much..
Overkills everything..

I am getting more and more tired each time..
Sometimes, I just want to give up it all..
It gets colder and colder each and every time..
With every hope each time, the dash and disappointment hits me harder..
I just want to hide myself in my cocoon, never to find my way out..

Am I really that complex?
That complicated to the point, where no one can understand the real me..
It seems so hard to find someone to understand and know the me..
Once I did, but it was gone along with the betrayal..

Trust comes with a heavy price to pay..
Love comes with a heavy burden to bear..
Night seems to have become longer and colder, over the days, months, years..
Time seems to have become eternity, endless..

Amortal endless..human has become..
Saddening..
seemingly bleak..
Like the sunset being swallowed into the twilight darkness..

It is a sad thing..
but I have to take it cool and calm and walk away..
No point forcing it further anymore..
Just not worth the effort to push it further, when thou just does not bother to try..

God, sometimes I think..maybe it is better for you to bring me home to your side..
Comparing to others in pain, sadness and poverty,
I may seem to be lucky..
but it does not seems to be in actual case..

Sadness and loneliness slowly eating away the soul out of me..
day in day out..
Emptiness replaces the core of me..
as time slowly ticks and trickles..

~ M. Y. ~
September 18th 2013


Sudden realization..an anniversary of an past today..
Be damned I am..
It had been 7 years since when I first tried..
I used to hate this day every year since 5 years ago..
Now, not so much...just sadness feels me, more than hate..
Sometimes, I wonder..is there something wrong with me that caused it to end..but no answer came to my mind..
Though, I am grateful for the 2 wonderful happy years..even now..

Alone..

Sense of finalization descends upon me..
This life of mine, I will live alone.
I have just myself to keep me company.
It is just easier that way.

It is too hard to find someone who knows and understands me.
I can be a great friend and jovial to everyone, but no one will get to know the real me.
Why? Because it takes a damn load of effort to do so.
And when I did try, you just gave up.
Bad timing? Bad situation? Maybe, I guess so.

Too much talks? Distrust at me? Too random talks? I require 200% of your attention?
All boil down to insecurity..Bad thing? Yes and No..why not?
Issuing me an ultimatum...in the end, you broke it yourself.
Just an effortless apology.
How nonsensical..and now, you avoid the entire issue.

I call you guys, bull...and a specie of gutless senseless creatures..
Maybe that's why you are still here today.

I am tired of dealing with all these goddamned and cowardice creatures.
I maybe alone or lonely..
At least, I am at peace, without all the ups and downs of feelings I got when I went through it all.


- M. Y. -
September 6th 2013

Detachment..

Feeling a heavy weight of detachment in me..
It may be just my mood swings.
It could be my pms.
Or it might be just me.

Feels sad..
this sense of detachment..
You cannot move forward..
Nor can you move away from it.

 The feeling is not bad,
it is just a strain in me..
I am unable to get things to move along and progress..
It just gets stuck in this limbo state, neither here nor there..

Tried to address it..
But it just does not get resolve somehow, at this point in time..
It feels like an extended and over-stretched rubberband,
Waiting to snap at any moment..

May be things will be placed into their destined positions,
only when the rubberband snapped..

I just hope that everything will be all right and fine when it happens..
Otherwise, I am just a fool believing in my fate and destiny..
Atlas, may be then I would be able to see what I am actually..who I am actually..


~ M. Y. ~
August 14th, 2013

Check in for the year of 2013..

7 months has past in a blink of an eye for 2013..
And here I am reflecting back on what I had and have done this year so far.
Most of the people I know, they reflect usually at the start or end of the year.
Definitely not in the middle of the year.
Guess I am just weird or abnormal, as usual.

Time just seems to slip past me when I do not keep a lookout for it, or not being aware enough about it.

Days passed everyday, from home to work..
Recently, I just started a course, which takes up more of the leisure time.
Imagine, 5 days work week, sometimes weekends burnt in the process of working..
Amount of work to cover in the office..
2 to 4 days of lectures, depending on the coursework..
Amount of assignments, lectures, quizzes and exams to clear for the modules..
Sometimes I wonder how do I assign enough time to each individual tasks.

Week passed after week, working and studying..
Months move on to the next..
Suddenly, when you stop yourself. A new year has passed.
Just like that.
Surprisingly? Miraculously, I survived another year in my life. *laughs*
That is really a sad way of putting it.

That was my thought till recently...

Once, a friend mentioned about "keeping the brain alive and working, by studying and making it work. Besides just working everyday."
That got me thinking and wanted to do something.
And started the course.

Before I commenced on the course, my days are just work and home.
Randomly, spending time on things which I felt like doing.
Now, besides work, lectures, assignments and coursework take up another portion of my daily life.
You may think that I have lesser time to do my personal stuff.
However, I think that I have become more time manageable. Occupying my daily life more efficient than previously.
With the energy boost which I have everyday now, I can achieve more things.
Good health, staying and eating healthy, it allows me with the energy boost daily.
Following a set of scheduled routine, it makes me to be more time conscious.
Time becomes very precious and making sure that none is lost to doing nothing constructive to me, in my dictionary.
So life has become routine...and I became slightly bored..*laughs*
Yes, so like me...bored when there is a routine to follow. Bored, but I will still continue till the point of "unbearability"...if there is such a word..

After almost 5 years of sabbatical, I think that it is a good time to break the silence..
Start to get to know and meet more people, start to make new friends again.
Rested for 5 years, it should be enough to repair and recuperate what has been lost.
A major part of myself.
Maybe a milestone for myself..in some sense.
This time round, it is a better version of me. A stronger version of me.

Another friend taught me a new perspective in life.
Get out of the damn shell, move on and live life.
Try, else you would not know it.
An additional to mine..
You only live once, live it without regrets..
Do not have regrets to think back on in the future to come..

So I am trying out new perspectives, in my context.
Getting to know and making new friends.
It gives me new ideas to write and think about.
A energy boost in passion to start up again on things which I used to love to do and still do love now..
Certainly, this is a good start.
I hope it will continue on and I can acquire more and new things/perspectives/passion in my life.
Creating and moving my life onto what I want.
Not wasting my life away, and have regrets in the future of what I should have done and not work towards it.

Here goes...until the next time...

 

Start post for 2012...

This is the first piece of blog which I have written for the year 2012, hopefully not the only one, but many more to come.
I have started writing again after a hiatus of 5 months, which I would say is pretty long.
I apologize to friends whom do actually check out my blog occasionally, for the lack of updates.


5 months have passed for 2012, surprisingly fast..
I didn't have a chance to reflect back on the daily events and thoughts till now, in the middle of the night.
What have I done this year? hmmm...

I would say, besides travelling to Japan, spending 2 weeks during April over there in Tokyo, Hakone, Mount Fuji, Kyoto, Nara, Nikko..not much major events happened so far.
It has been a really wonderful trip, especially I got to re-group my soul and re-charge myself in some ways. Spent almost 2 weeks on my own in a foreign land.
Travelled like a half-gaijin half-pretending to be a Japanese...*laughs* because I know and understand about some Japanese cultures.
Met many foreigners along my trip, while travelling out of Tokyo.
Some were very nice and welcoming people, whereas some were rather unfriendly.
Walked a lot, about 10-12 hours daily during my 2 weeks, resulting weight loss which is good!!
On an end note, it was a rejuvenating trip which I get to experience many more Japanese cultures and interact with people from all over the world, in the nutshell of Japan.

My laptop died on me just before I left for Japan, I didn't managed to revive it.
So now, I am kind of laptop-less while I am at home, surviving on my android phone if I do need to go on web.
Looking around for good deals on laptop or notebook, thinking about Windows or switching to Mac...weighing the pros and cons..still unable to decide on it yet...as the IT fair creeps nearer and nearer.

With the start of the year, 5 months ago, I did try to post photographs on Facebook as daily as I could possible, which eventually did came to a halt due to the daily life matters.
I still do take photographs as much as I can, just unable to produce and post them as much as I like.
An excuse due to the death of my laptop, I became unable to produce and post any photographs at the current stage. *laughs* What a great excuse I came up with...

I am really glad that I did my backups for my laptop, hence my music library in Itunes is still alive. I still have my music, just not as updated as I like it to be.

Lately, I have been thinking about many things..such as re-studying Japanese and learning French, reading more on more manga, ebooks and even paperback books on subjects which I would like to keep (thus contributing to my ever-growing library), trying to eat healthier and maintaining my weight loss. Trying to meet up my new and old friends, keep in contact with them. Real friendship is precious and fragile in this modern world. Also the ongoing thought about life...

Currently reading on "Clean" by Dr. Alejandro Junger, M.D.
Though I must say that I am rather late in getting this book, as this is a reprint with updated new materials in it. A pretty interesting book, discovering and understanding oneself's body system, how each and every food which we ingest contributes to what we are, how the different toxicism happening in our daily life affects us somehow somewhere down the road in life. I am still halfway through it, I hope to learn more from it.