A big hole..

Feels a big emptiness eating away in me.
Boring a hole right through my heart.
Swallowing the entirety of my soul.
A loss incomparable to words.
A darkness which does not seem to end.

The top does not stop spinning itself, it just keeps going on and on non-stop. I cannot stop it. I am being tied to its endless twirling. Pulling me along tightly, grips and latches onto me like vines. Drowning in the deep abyssal of the dark ocean. Choking without any breath, nothing.

Nothing to hold on for life.
Free fall.
Darkness right in front of me, blind, not even my own hand.

I am so tired. Just wanted to rest. Give into the darkness. Without any care in this world.

Tears roll down from my eyes. Funny. I did not even realize it until it trickles onto my hands. Then the sudden eruption of sadness blooms straight into my heart. Hell broken loose. Sadness engulfs my entire being, frozen in the state of ice. Nothing seems to be able to contain it. It just keeps on emitting, radiating sadness from cell to skin, heart to soul. Unstoppable sadness.

Tired.
Just very tired.
Physically exhausted, only four and half hours of winks in the last 72 hours of awakeness.
Mentally drained, too many things to deal with, but my own.
Soul broken, torn apart, by you.

It should not be this way.
It should not have happened.
Why?
Why does the heart not listen?
Why does the soul get ensnare by you?

I just want give myself up in the freefall. Spell into the pain. My heart seems to be dug out fresh and still beating from my chest cavity. Squeeze bled dry by your bare naked hands, like a soulless murderer.

~ M.Y. ~
November 25th 2013